Chapter 10 - New teenager new chance

165 Do it alone 06 2015  I try to drive to a lonely beach. Then I let go. Nana comes to the front and I fall. There is nothing I can remember. I am lost in endless, desperate baby spaces. Days become nights and nights become days.  159 My relationship to José 05 2015  The strange thing is that I feel more dependent on José than ever before. My dependency on him has become a deeply unhealthy one. I cannot grow out of it anymore.  163 The face 06 2015  It broke my heart. My trust. Not only my trust in him. Also my trust in myself. And every time I look at him I am falling. Like Nana the baby. I am breaking. Only my face still wears a happy mask.  164 Cut 06 2015  All I am is a burden. Something everyone is happy to know as far away as possible. 
167 Pain 06 2015  My energy is just flowing out of my body. Like there was a big, deep wound inside my heart and my life energy was just disappearing.  171 Gecko 08 2015  At work up in the mountains life is calm and peaceful. It is a small world in nature where somehow everything is still alright. The problems that appear are solvable.  170 Out of the deep 07 2015  I lose José again and I fall deep. All this has to stop.  168 Lost babies 06 2015  Whatever is happening between José and me, it is not healing. Not at all! Each time my desperate baby feelings are triggered and I go into free fall.