Chapter 4 - Mum
In my first Holotropic Breathwork session in Spain the world shifts. My deep trust issues and my baby trauma become visible.
My next session is about sexual abuse.
I want my body back! Elara asks me to be careful with myself. But with what? I am totally broken and there is nothing left to destroy. I can’t feel my body.
I am afraid because the workshop will be over soon. I do not want to be alone with all my experiences.
The energy is running out of my body as if I had a big wound and had lost a lot of blood. I have to lie down because I don’t have the strength to keep my body up. I cannot move anymore. I need help.
Elara and I say goodbye. My hope is that one day we will see each other again.
While Elara gives me the last hug, she is singing a little melody for me. I trust her.
My holotropic family is a family I can feel and touch. There are people interested in me and that I am alive and that I survive.
At the camping-site I feel like a lonely child. But my hand puppet Ladra is with me.
Time is like a sawing blade. I am afraid because I still feel like a child and I have to return to Germany soon.