Chapter 8 - Voiceless between wide sea and wild mountains

123 Caught 06 2014  When I am at work my little personalities feel caught. I fight like crazy to get everything and everyone under control.  122 No home on earth 06 2014  One day Ria writes Elara: "But Elara, I often just feel so bad. I still don’t know why I’m alive and most of the time I just feel desperate and alone."  125 A blue wave for the heart 07 2014  Sometimes I am just sitting on the beach and falling deep into the feelings of not wanting anything. I watch the world around me. Sometimes I feel as if I were a wave, or the sand, or one single bleb of the spume.  129 Loneliness 08 2014  All my personalities know that Elara is not at the workshop in San Feliu. But still nobody can stop looking around. Just like children do when they are searching for mum or for the one human they love so much. 
130 Being in peace 08 2014  I am a baby held by José. There is nothing more beautiful than being allowed to go for that sucking need and being met in that deep yearning of myself.  131 My fault 08 2014  My second session it is about anger. It is Ria’s session and I try to express all the anger in the world. All the anger at the people who crossed my limits and abused and hurt me.  128 EGAL 08 2014  "I do not matter". After the anger, there is just this endless, deeply painful crying left.